Resolving Conflict and Restoring Relationships

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People are torn by conflict in their nations and communities as well as within their own life. Is this the natural, inevitable state of human beings, or the result of some disastrous false step, as many religions suggest? This presentation examines the root of conflict. UPF advocates drawing on universal principles as a way to resolve conflict. The peacebuilding process begins with self-reflection and reorientation, taking responsibility for one’s own role in the conflict. Then steps need to be taken to reverse wrongs and restore relationships. Ultimately, reconciliation and renewal should result.
  • 1. Principles of Restoration and Conflict Resolution
  • 2. Where Does Peace Begin? Since wars begin in the minds of men, it is in the minds of men that the defenses of peace must be constructed. UNESCO Constitution Preamble
  • 3. We Need Spiritual Renewal. I see no hope for permanent world peace. We have tried and failed miserably. Unless the world has a spiritual rebirth, civilization is doomed. Dag Hammarskjold Second UN Secretary-General
  • 4. The Reality of Human Nature Original Nature Undeveloped Selfish Nature Well-developed
  • 5. The Conflicted Self <ul><li>The mind is two-fold: the pure and also the impure. </li></ul><ul><li>Hinduism, Maitri Upanishad 6.34 </li></ul>I do not do the good that I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do. Christianity, Romans 7.15 Every person has both a bad heart and good heart. Native American Religions, Mohawk Tradition
  • 6. Lost Restored Original Position Current Reality Indemnity = Spiritual Restoration How Do We Change Our Nature? <ul><ul><li>An effort to reverse or restore something that was lost. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Taking responsibility by taking actions to correct flaws, weaknesses and bad habits </li></ul></ul>
  • 7. Step 1: Reconcile with God <ul><ul><li>Prayer and meditation </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Offerings to God </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Study of Scripture </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Sexual purity, celibacy, separation from the world </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Submission and obedience to God </li></ul></ul>
  • 8. Step 2 : Reconcile with Each Other <ul><ul><li>If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Christianity </li></ul><ul><li>Matthew 5:23-24 </li></ul>
  • 9. God’s Word Learn, believe and practice God’s Word. Practice God’s Word in relationship with others. Honor God Love each other + Success in both areas is needed to move closer to the goal of peace. +
  • 10. Importance of Reconciliation Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light. Christianity I John 2.9
  • 11. Importance of a Good Example Let there arise out of you a group of people, inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong; they are the ones to attain happiness and prosperity. Islam Qur’an 3.104
  • 12. Importance of Unity Let your aims be common, And your hearts of one accord, And all of you be of one mind, So you may live well together. Hinduism Rig Veda 10.191.4
  • 13. Importance of Each Person When the personal life is cultivated, the family will be regulated; when the family is regulated, the state will be in order; when the state is in order, there will be peace throughout the world. Confucianism: The Great Learning
  • 14. Archetypes of Conflict ABEL Abel loved God, but could not win the heart of his brother who was consumed with resentment. Abel had God’s blessing and would not share it. CAIN Cain was consumed with resentment over perceived injustice, not seeing his brother from God’s point of view. Unable to control his anger, he killed his brother.
  • 15. Archetypes of Conflict <ul><ul><li>God wanted Cain and Abel to love each other. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door . . . but you must master it. </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Judaism: Genesis 4 </li></ul>
  • 16. What Should Happen ABEL <ul><li>Be humble even though blessed by God. </li></ul><ul><li>Forgive and be tolerant in the face of abuse. </li></ul><ul><li>Serve his brother to melt his resentment. </li></ul><ul><li>Be ready to mediate. </li></ul>CAIN <ul><li>Overcome resentment of past rejection. </li></ul><ul><li>Recognize his brother’s value. </li></ul><ul><li>Rejoice in his brother’s success. </li></ul><ul><li>Move on from hatred, be ready to reconcile. </li></ul>
  • 17. Path of Resolution Jacob said, “If I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand, for truly to see your face is like seeing the face of God.” Judaism: Genesis 33.10
  • 18. Implications for Peacebuilding and Conflict Resolution
  • 19. Greatest Act of Love: Winning Over One’s Enemy <ul><li>To give even to those who have done one </li></ul><ul><li>great harm is the key to peace. </li></ul><ul><li>Converts the enemy into a friend. </li></ul><ul><li>Reverses ancient patterns of abuse and revenge. </li></ul>
  • 20. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. Martin Luther King, Jr. Loving Enemies
  • 21. Jesus did not condemn any of his enemies. His power was the power of love Sun Myung Moon Loving Enemies
  • 22. When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. Mahatma Gandhi Loving Enemies
  • 23. The C h oice We All Face: Resolve or Repeat Past Conflicts? Past Future Unresolved problems will be passed on to future generations, and in most cases be bigger and more difficult to solve.
  • 24. Principles of Conflict Resolution <ul><ul><li>Take responsibility for one’s contribution to the conflict. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently. </li></ul></ul>Self reflection and reorientation
  • 25. Principles of Conflict Resolution <ul><ul><li>Work to understand whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Be open to reconciliation. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Seek to correct past injustices </li></ul></ul>Take action.
  • 26. Principles of Conflict Resolution <ul><li>Give up the urge to retaliate. </li></ul><ul><li>Forgive, and accept forgiveness. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Resolve to change oneself, realizing that this is the only way to help the other to change . </li></ul></ul>Reconciliation and renewal
  • 27. Conflict Resolution in Marriage <ul><ul><li>Take responsibility for one’s contribution to the conflict. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Consider how one might have dealt with the problem differently. </li></ul></ul>Self reflection and reorientation
  • 28. Conflict Resolution in Marriage <ul><ul><li>Address whatever caused the other to feel hurt and violated. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Be open to reconcile. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Seek to correct past injustices as a priority. </li></ul></ul>Take action
  • 29. Conflict Resolution in Marriage Reconciliation and Renewal <ul><li>Give up the urge to retaliate. </li></ul><ul><li>Forgive, and accept forgiveness. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Resolve to change oneself, realizing that this is the only way to help the other to change . </li></ul></ul>
  • 30. Implications for Ambassadors for Peace
  • 31. Implications for Ambassadors for Peace <ul><li>Show concern for both sides. </li></ul><ul><li>Respect the integrity of both sides. </li></ul><ul><li>Gain trust from both sides by treating each fairly. </li></ul><ul><li>Guide both sides to move beyond a position of blame and accusation against the other. </li></ul><ul><li>Aim for a win-win outcome. </li></ul>
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